You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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