just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
