At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
