even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
