Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
