I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
