I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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