its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
