hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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