I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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