You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
