goodnight i made you a song goodbye
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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