He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you never un-have a 4some
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
