It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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