I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
