i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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