this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
