he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
