Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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