well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
