These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
