If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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