Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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