Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
