Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
