Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
