If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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