if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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