but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
