He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
