My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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