I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
