The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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