Some one left their pants in the elevator.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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