On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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