I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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