Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
this just has baby written all over it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
