Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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