she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
