You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
