You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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