The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
