oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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