I can tuck mytits in my pants
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
