have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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