Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
