I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
