i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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