OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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