Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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