i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
