If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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