Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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